I was coming home from our All-Eikon service (twice a month all of our Missional Communities gather for a more “traditional” service…though one of the aspects of the service is about 20 minutes for people to tell stories of how God has been moving in their lives and Missional Communities, so it’s still a bit different) and we had had a really good night.
- I liked the environment that night. I had a strong sense of God’s Spirit heading into the night and during the service.
- The musical worship had been really strong and tied in beautifully with the theme we were weaving through the night.
- The stories were great, people grateful to God both for small things he’s doing and BIG things he’s been up to.
- I thought the teaching was particularly strong that night.
- We had new people and had people who don’t know Jesus yet.
But as I was driving home and was reflecting on the night and praying through it, one of the main things I thanked God for was that we had a really good turnout.
“God, I’m thankful we had a good turnout tonight.”
Now I’m not saying this, in and of itself, is a bad thing. More people sharing in a worship experience is a win, I suppose. But immediately on praying this, God showed me where that “thankfulness” was coming from. I was thankful because a good turnout made me feel better about myself and what I was doing, not whether or not I had simply been obedient with what God was trying to do with the night itself.
For almost two years we’ve been planting this really unconventional church that really flies in the face of consumer Christianity. It never ceases to amaze me how deep those roots go and how I’m still pulling them out of myself. My knee-jerk reaction is still to judge the “success” of a night, not on obedience, but on a metric I can neither control or numbers that don’t really tell me what they mean. I’m finding sometimes it still isn’t enough that the people of God have gathered to worship, be instructed from scripture and enter his house with thankful hearts. I still seek affirmation outside of obedience.
Why is the church broken?
Because we are broken.
Thanks for this humble confession, brother. God is obviously as pleased with our response to these sobering realizations as he is with our weekly “wins”.
At least you weren’t praying, “God, thank you that Kenny’s beard was so awesome tonight. I praise you for the growth of the hair cascading down his face.”
I didn’t want to say it, Kenny, but I was thanking God for how awesome your beard was. And I felt him whisper to my soul, “Doug, you need to tell him.” So Kenny, here goes: Your beard IS awesome. Don’t let Jen make you shave it!
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